Will I ever be enough?

When I was a kid, I never felt like I was enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, and definitely not thin enough. My mother had me on diets from the time I was seven. I cheated on diets from the time I was 7. I never felt like I was anyone's favorite. I have never known anyone who preferred my company over everyone else's. I have always felt...inadequate. I could never sustain a relationship with a man because I wondered why he couldn't do better than me. My life now is so small. The bigger I get, the smaller my life gets. I go to work, go home, go sleep, get up, and start the whole thing all over again. I never do anything at night or on the weekends, not even go to the movies. I wonder if anyone would even notice if I ceased to exist, or rather if they would notice anything other than that I wasn't there to do things for them. If I gain enough weight, will I disappear?