Of course, the most guilty person in this regard is myself. I have hated myself for so long. It hasn't worked. Time to try something new.

Strange psycho thoughts

I think I have reverse body dysmorphic disorder. People with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) are obsessed by the idea that some part of their body is ugly or deformed, when in truth it looks normal. I look in the mirror and think, eh, I don't look that bad. Yet I know from looking at other people my size that I am abnormal. It is not normal to be this fat. I flip between finding myself repulsive (more likely if I catch a glimpse of myself nekkid) and thinking I look okay (mostly when I am clothed). I think that this may, in some way, be my brain's way of conning me into thinking I really don't need to lose weight. The prescription bottles in the cabinet, of course, tell me different.

I ordered the Sweatin' to the Oldies DVDs since my videos are shot. It also has an extra DVD which I believe is about loving yourself(?). I know that I can mostly get through Sweatin' 1 and Sweatin' 2, so I'm hoping the new DVDs will inspire me.

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What a bizarre day it was last Thursday...whoever thought Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson would die on the same day. Since I grew up in the 70's for the most part, they were both an integral part of my childhood/teen years.

Farrah...rest in peace.
Michael...I hope you finally find peace.

Prejudiced

Ang at Getting Fit After Forty posted today about her social experiment to see the different ways people treated her if she wore makeup and nicer clothes.

I wear makeup and dress as well as I can and do my hair every day. The reason I do this is because I'm prejudiced. Prejudiced against my fellow fat people. I cannot stand it when I see someone out in public, or, even worse, at work, dressed like a slob. I feel like these are the people that give fat people a bad name. It looks as if they've given up, and they might as well have "abuse me" signs taped to their backs.

It really is all about how you present yourself. I always try to walk tall with my head up, and I don't see or hear people making fun of me. I have noticed, though, that, on occasion, if I am really tired and not paying attention to how I am walking or moving, there tends to be more pointing or snickering.

I know some would say that the people who don't bother suffer from low self-esteem, but I don't consider myself to have great self-esteem. Most of the time I don't even like myself. But there has got to be something more that makes people just give up.

I. Will. Never. Give. Up.

Quote for the day:
"There are so many wonderful things in life to be afraid of, if you just learn how scary they are."~borrowed from a friend on Facebook

Are YOU talkin' to ME???

Wow! Summer gave me a Super Blogger award. I am sooooo not worthy (as I said in response to her post). Thank you so much, Summer! I'm not going to send it on to other bloggers because I don't know how. Also everyone I like already has one since I am so slow to respond. I'm hoping I can figure out how to post my award.

Work is so incredibly hectic. We will be having our state audit in 2-3 weeks, so now is the time I start going insane! I know that I can get my work done if everyone would leave me alone, but no, I end up doing everyone else's work and no one helps me with mine.

Poor Josh still has a funnel head. He went back to the vet again on Saturday and had to have one of his funky nails removed. He came homw with a little blue bandage on his foot (with stars). I wonder if they have pink for girl dogs. When he went outside we had to tape a baggie to his foot. He did. not. like. it. Not one little bit. When the time finally came to take off the bandage, I had to practically sit on him and pull up on his collar like reins to get him to cooperate. Good thing he's a fat dog, so I didn't hurt him! (My neck, on the other hand, is another story!)

Richard's chat was good tonight. All the excuses. I think I've used them all. What I wanted to ask him was, what about when you DO lose weight, not all of it, but enough to feel really good, and you become complacent and cease being vigilant. It's happened to me quite a few times. How do you stay on top of things?

Quote for today:
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.~Unknown

April Showers bring May flowers; what do May flowers bring?

When I was watching the Biggest Loser, I had no sympathy for Max, brother of contestant Mike/son of contestant Ron. But, I was reading an article about the contestants the other day, and I read that Max is only 17 years old. That certainly explains a lot. I assume he's still in high school and probably harrassed every day. His jealousy of his brother's success makes so much more sense now that I see they are only a year apart. I commented on someone's post about this, although I can't remember whose, but my opinion of the kid has certainly changed, even though I still think he should have given his dad and brother their props.

I am feeling like a big failure right now myself. I swore I would get back on track with exercising this week during the cybercruise, but I haven't done a damn thing yet. What the heck is wrong with me???

Poor Josh...still a funnel-headed dog. Turns out my mother did not give him the right amount of antibiotic, so he's got to wear the elizabethan collar for at least another week and a half. He just keeps giving us the sad puppy eyes.

Quote for the day:
"The world's favorite season is the spring. All things seem possible in May."
-- Edwin Way Teale

Addiction

I have an addictive personality. My dad was an alcoholic and my mother was a binge eater. I am a compulsive overeater. But that's not the kind of addiction I am talking about today.

I want to come clean about my other addictions.

I am addicted to Etsy.
I blame it on Laura S. Before she actually had an Etsy store, she had a section on her home page that said something like "Check out my Etsy shop." Shop??? I went to look for her shop but of course could not find it. But Etsy...wow is that my kind of place. Millions of one of a kind items. The coolest jewelry ever.
All Laura's fault. :-D

I am addicted to tweezing. I am obsessed abou my eyebrows to the point that I now have half brows. This must stop before I look like like Whoopi.

I am addicted to magazines. I subscribe to TVGuide, Entertainment Weekly, O, Ladies' Home Journal, Reader's Digest, and People, yet every time I go to the supermarket, I seem to bring another home another one. Even though I know I am unnecessarily killing trees, I can't seem to stop myself.

I am also addicted to: reality television, reading, Facebook (that's a new one), blogs, and makeup.

One thing I used to be addicted to, and am hoping to pick up this addiction again:
EXERCISE!!! I vow to start exercising again, even if it's only 10 minutes at a time, while participating in the cybercruise.

Quotes for the day:
"Good habits are as addictive as bad habits, and a lot more rewarding." Harvey McKay

“We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely… change is due to want power. Wanting the new addiction more than the old one. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now.” George Sheehan

Hiding from the Sun

Oh my gah! What a gorgeous day it was today...sunny and 72 degrees. I went out to get my hair done---got it colored and trimmed. I left with my jacket on, but soon realized I wouldn't need it. I felt so uncomfortable. I like winter, except for the cold part. I can be covered up from neck to toes. I was tugging at my t-shirt all day, trying to cover up my fat. As if I could. I hate this so much.

Richard sez

Be my own best friend.

That's kind of an interesting concept. I mean, really, would I ever treat my best friend as badly as I treat myself? Would I call my best friend failure, ugly, repulsive or stupid? Would I give my best friend things I know are not good for her? Would I put my best friend last?

Food for thought. (heh, food!)

Spring, my ass!

So, yesterday was the first day of Spring and it snowed. At least it didn't stick. Today it was freezing again. I got myself a new Spring pocketbook, but I refuse to wear it with my winter coat!!!

I don't plant anything directly in the earth in my yard. I've always had problems with moles and they ate everything I planted or moved it around. So now every year three rogue surviving crocuses come up in different areas of the front lawn. I start looking for them a few weeks before Spring starts. So, yay, Tuesday I see the first crocus!!! I took its picture with my cell phone. And Friday it snows. Poor little crocus. It's still there but not looking too healthy. I can't wait until it's time to plant flowers in all my planters. Then I will know it's really Spring!

So, this is my blog issue. I'm on the computer so much at work that when I get home I don't want to even look at a computer any more. So I don't go on the computer for a few days. Then I realize I am going to have a ton of mail to deal with, so I don't want to go on the computer even more! 'Til finally, 2 or 3 weeks later, I say, "I've really got to go on the computer." Whereupon I spend 2 and 1/2 hours reading e-mails. And those are only the ones I consider worth reading. Out of 380 I read 102.

So, this is my issue with American Idol. The contestants have to sing songs from a different genre each week. This week was country music. I like some country music, especially Garth Brooks, but I digress. This is supposedly so the judges and the American public can see that the contestants can perform at least adequately in all genres of music. So why is it that when the contestants take a perfectly good country song and sing it in a non-country way in a non-country arangement they get the highest praise from the judges? Is a puzzlement. Maybe I am getting over reality TV.

So, this is my issue with work. I don't want to do it anymore. Most of what I have to do is such an agonizing bore that I cannot force myself to focus. I wander out of my office looking for other things to do. But if I don't do my work, no one else will. And, yes, of course, I know I am lucky to have a job. So the papers just continue to pile up on my desk, and I still need to write an annual in-service to give the week after next.

So, this is my issue with weight. Once upon a time, I lost a hundred pounds in 12 weeks, and I wasn't even on The Biggest Loser. And I didn't do it in an unhealthy way, either. I just got up one morning and it all clicked. I started exercising that very day, even though I could only manage 15 minutes, and started eating right. In about a year after that I managed to lose another 50 pounds. I was no where near goal, but felt awesome. I'm the opposite of what usually happens, I lost the weight fast and gained it back really slow. So slow that I almost didn't notice it. I'm noticing it now, and hoping for another "click," but it just doesn't seem to be happening. I'm starting to realize that it may never happen again and I will have to slog my way through kicking and screaming, and probably crying. I do remember how happy I was then, but it seems so far away...

Some Whine With My Cheese

I'm tired. I have a sore throat and a cough I cannot get rid of. I went to work today because I was afraid to stay home. I'm afraid if I call in sick they will see that they can do without me and they will "dissolve" my job. It's happening all the time. Today I found out one of the assistant manager's positions was dissolved and she is going back to being a DCC. They say no one is being laid off, but that doesn't mean no one is losing their job. I wouldn't be so scared if I wasn't so fat. If I wasn't so fat I wouldn't have to worry about being rejected for another job just because of my weight/appearance. So, feeling this way, what did I do when I got home?

Binged.

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yet I am frozen, unable to move, unable to change anything about my life. Beyond increasing my water intake, I have not been able to move forward.

We are having a Mardi Gras party at work tomorrow. I have to dig out my Mardi Gras jewelry. I will try to remember the great times I had in New Orleans on several CTLs, and have a happier day.

I am now the proud owner of...

...a Laura Silverman piece!!! (Well, I will be as soon as it gets here.) It's so gorgeous in the pictures...I can't wait to see it on my neck. It's so funny that I have really just recently started wearing necklaces. (I thought my neck was too fat to wear them. Stupid, I know.) Woo-hoo I'm gonna have a piece of art on my neck!

My boss was so annoying yesterday. She comes into my office and says, "I have to send you to the hospital today. I don't have anyone else." Now, if she had asked me nicely I would have agreed to go and felt good about it, instead I resented it. Then, 15 minutes after I got there, I was in G's hospital room and she called me on my cell phone to tell me I had to go down to the ER right away to meet another consumer who was coming in by ambulance. From all the times I have spent in the ER with my mom, I should have known there was no rush. But I did go right down, only to sit in the waiting room for an hour waiting to see him. By the time I got in to see him, it was only 10 minutes until someone came in to relieve me. So I went back to G's room and stayed for some extra time. I hate that the consumers have to be in the hospital alone. On top of all that my boss tells me that we won't be providing the agreed upon amount of hospital coverage for G because we just don't have the staff. G is a Willowbrook Class individual. This coverage, as far as I know, is mandated by law. I told her when she came in today that she had to call the Director of QA, because I really don't think we can just blatantly disregard this.
All I know is that I couldn't just let it pass, it's my responsibility to see that regulations are followed. I guess I will find out what the Director of QA has to say tomorrow.

I've decided to try eating the lunches served at work every day instead of going out or ordering out; they are healthy for the most part. Today we had pot roast that was so tough I wasn't sure I could swallow it, but I guess that helped me eat less. :-)

I have finally ordered a new camera, so soon this blog will be filled with a ridiculous amount of pictures of my animals, that is if I can figure out how to get them on here!

Long Time, No See

Once again, I can't believe how long it has been since I've been here. A lot of stuff has happened since I was here last.

We have a new president. We had an inauguration party at work. We decorated the dining room (where the big screen TV is) with red white and blue balloons, basically because staff wanted to be able to watch. But, the guys were good, and they applauded in the appropriate places. I was glad to be able to see it--it was an exciting day. Except...what was up with Aretha's hat???
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I was flabbergasted to find out that the agency I work for has named Sarah Palin as the Honoree of the Year. I honestly thought it was a joke when I first saw it on the website. I though someone had hacked into the company website and posted it. But no, it's for real. I guess because she gave birth to a baby with Down Syndrome, this suddenly makes her the patron saint of the developmentally disabled. I can't believe that this person that stands for everything I despise is being honored by the agency.
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The snow!!! Enough with the frickin' frackin' snow already! Last year we had next to no snow, this year it seems like a storm a week. And the cold! I just want to stay in my bed with my new flannel comforter and not come out until spring.
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My weight on January 30th was 451.5. The only difference I made is making sure I drink at least 2 quarts of water a day. Baby steps.
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I need to find a new doctor. I went to the doctor two weeks ago for my usual bloodwork. I knew it wouldn't be good, because I had run out of medication and I was peeing constantly. My blood sugar was high when I was there, and I had glucose in my urine. I got refills on my meds, and they added a new med which I would be trying for a month. A few days later I get a call that I have to come in to "discuss" my test results. Translated that means come in so we can charge you for another visit. Knowing that I have to go back at the end of the month since I only got one month's supply of the new med, I ignored the call. A few days ago, I called for a refill on another prescription. (It turned out that they had given me the wrong refill last time, so I took double the amount so my dosage would be correct, which meant I ran out in two weeks. I called to get the correct prescription.) I recieved a call back saying I had to come in to discuss my results and then I could have my prescription! I said, so because I can't come in right away to discuss my results I can't get my meds? That's right. I was so mad I wanted to scream! Luckily I still had a refill on the "wrong" prescription, so I was able to get that, even though I had to pay for it. I truly can't believe they tried to hold me hostage like that.

A friend of mine from my old job has liver cancer. Our insurance is giving her a hard time about her treatment. They want to put a port in her liver for chemo before they operate to remove more than half her liver, and the insurance won't cover it because it is considered "experimental surgery."

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH DOCTOR'S OR INSURANCE COMPANIES THIS WEEK!
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American Idol-we have a final 36...how long until there are 12 and I can actually start to care?

Biggest Loser-an hour for the weigh-ins? Still? Really?

Why am I watching Rock of Love Bus? It ought to make me ashamed to be female, but I just can't stop myself.
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I just read a great book called The Little Giant of Aberdeen County by Tiffany Baker. I couldn't put it down. I could never be a book reviewer, because I can't put into words why I liked it so much. I guess I just know what I like.

It's a good thing I love to read, otherwise my brain would turn to mush from my TV viewing habits.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Reason #1 for losing weight.

I want to travel. I want to go everywhere and see everything. Being this weight makes this next to impossible. Yes, I can get places...the past few times I flew I bought two seats to prevent possible embarassment on an overfull flight. But that is not the point. I can barely walk for 5 minutes without being in pain. I am not the kind of person who is content to sit on a bus and watch the sights go by. I want to explore them by myself. I want to be able to climb up hills and get over uneven terrain without being scared of falling (and not being able to get up)or not being able to breathe.

Oh, the places I'll go:
Machu Picchu, Peru
Rome
Photo safari in Africa
back to Alaska
Ukraine
Ireland
be able to walk from one end of NYC to the other like I used to do
etcetera, etcetera,and so on

457.7

That's my official weigh-in for the new year (actually New Year's Eve). Now to decide what I am going to DO about it!!!

99 Things

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to: leave in plain font

1. started your own blog
2. slept under the stars
3. played in a band-unfortunately I have no musical talent--I did sing in the chorus in elementary and high school, though.
4. visited hawaii
5. watched a meteor shower
6. given more than you can afford to charity--I don't know....how much is too much??
7. been to disneyland/world
8. climbed a mountain
9. held a praying mantis
10. sang a solo
11. bungee jumped
12. visited paris
13. watched a lightning storm at sea
14. taught yourself an art from scratch
15. adopted a child
16. had food poisoning
17. walked to the top of the statue of liberty
18. grown your own vegetables
19. seen the mona lisa in france
20. slept on an overnight train
21. had a pillow fight
22. hitch hiked
23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. built a snow fort
25. held a lamb
26. gone skinny dipping
27. run a marathon
28. ridden a gondola in venice
29. seen a total eclipse
30. watched a sunrise or sunset
31. hit a home run
32. been on a cruise
33. seen niagara falls in person
34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. seen an amish community
36. taught yourself a new language
37. had enough money to be truly satisfied-are we ever TRULY satisfied?
38. seen the leaning tower of pisa in person
39. gone rock climbing
40. seen michelangelo's david in person
41. sung karaoke
42. seen old faithful geyser erupt
43. bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. visited africa
45. walked on a beach by moonlight
46. been transported in an ambulance
47. had your portrait painted
48. gone deep sea fishing
49. seen the sistene chapel in person
50. been to the top of the eiffel tower in paris
51. gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. kissed in the rain
53. played in the mud
54. gone to a drive-in theatre - with my mom & dad in my pjs when I was little
55. been in a movie
56. visited the great wall of china
57. started a business
58. taken a martial arts class
59. visited russia
60. served at a soup kitchen
61. sold girl scout cookies
62. gone whale watching
63. gotten flowers for no reason
64. donated blood
65. gone sky diving
66. visited a nazi concentration camp
67. bounced a check
68. flown in a helicopter
69. saved a favorite childhood toy
70. visited the lincoln memorial
71. eaten caviar
72. pieced a quilt
73. stood in times square
74. toured the everglades
75. been fired from a job - I was leaving anyway, but still!
76. seen the changing of the guard in london
77. broken a bone
78. been on a speeding motorcycle
79. seen the grand canyon in person
80. published a book I wrote the text for a book that was published in-house by my company...does that count?
81. visited the vatican
82. bought a brand new car
83. walked in jerusalem
84. had your picture in the newspaper
85. read the entire bible
86. visited the white house
87. killed and prepared an animal for eating - hell to the NO!
88. had chickenpox
89. saved someone’s life
90. sat on a jury
91. met someone famous
92. joined a book club
93. lost a loved one
94. had a baby
95. seen the alamo in person
96. swum in the great salt lake
97. been involved in a law suit
98. owned a cell phone
99. got stung by a bee

Looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead

I haven't abandoned this blog already...really I haven't. I can't believe I haven't been here in so long. I haven't been feeling well...just a draggy cold/upper respiratory kind of thing, but mostly I come home and crawl under the covers and veg in front of the t.v. because it's cold and I'm tired. I've been having problems sleeping lately, worse than usual. The problem is not the actual sleeping, it's the getting to sleep. I will toss and turn and stare at the ceiling and wonder what the lyrics to "Blind Man in the Bleachers" are for hours. Once I am asleep I have no problem staying that way. In fact it's one of my favorite things to do. But lately I've been getting maybe 5 hours of sleep at night and drinking Diet Pepsi all day at work to stay awake.

Our governer has a plan to add a lot of taxes to weird things. He is going to tax regular soda, but not diet, as kind of an obesity tax. How many fat people drink regular soda? I've always drunk (drank?) diet soda because I liked the taste better, so I have no clue if this will be an effective tax.

I am finally back in my old office at work, and I am quite happy to be there. N, who moved into my previous/temporary office, hates it. Too bad, so sad. I knew I had made a mistake moving up front the very first day I was up there, and was thrilled for an excuse to move back, especially when it made B look bad. :-)

I ventured out today in the ice and snow to go food shopping and to deliver the treats and toys to the animal shelter. As I was driving up the long, long driveway to the shelter, it was covered with ice and snow...this did not bode well. I pulled into the parking lot and opened the door to a sea of solid ice. Apparently they did not sand or anything. I was too afraid of falling, especially since I had several other errands to run (and did not want to do them with a frozen butt), so I got back in the car and left. I will have to make sure I get over there by Wednesday.

I couldn't even shovel the snow. It snowed a ton while I was at work yesterday, then it rained and sleeted throughout the night, so everything re-froze. Then it snowed again this morning. My theory is that it is better to leave the snow as it is so I have something to walk on instead of trying to navigate across sheer ice. I want to move somewhere warm. Like this:

http://www.redfin.com/CA/OAKLAND/9416-WALNUT-St-94603/home/592836

Will I ever be enough?

When I was a kid, I never felt like I was enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, and definitely not thin enough. My mother had me on diets from the time I was seven. I cheated on diets from the time I was 7. I never felt like I was anyone's favorite. I have never known anyone who preferred my company over everyone else's. I have always felt...inadequate. I could never sustain a relationship with a man because I wondered why he couldn't do better than me. My life now is so small. The bigger I get, the smaller my life gets. I go to work, go home, go sleep, get up, and start the whole thing all over again. I never do anything at night or on the weekends, not even go to the movies. I wonder if anyone would even notice if I ceased to exist, or rather if they would notice anything other than that I wasn't there to do things for them. If I gain enough weight, will I disappear?

It is so freakin' cold outside...like 18 degrees cold. And it's not even the end of November! I. am. not. liking. this. at. all. My lips are so chapped, not even multiple application of Carmex are helping. I am on vacation, or "staycation" according to the Urban Dictionary. Right now it's me, two cats, my laptop and my bed. All is good. Tomorrow I have to take my mother to the doctor. Tuesday I have to bring my car in for service. Wednesday I have to take my mother to the doctor. Thursday I will be slaving over Thanksgiving dinner. (Okay, I exaggerate.) At least it will be warm by the stove. I also hope to get a haircut somewhere in between. I guess vegging out yesterday and today are the extent of the relaxation I am going to get.

I'm watching "My Fair Wedding" on We. The bride is from Long Island. I'm wondering if I sound like her.

I am so sick of trying to find decent clothes. I had to return half the stuff I ordered because it was either stupid looking or just didn't fit right. Why do designers (and I use the term loosely) think fat women want to wear bizarrely cut clothing. One shirt was longer on the sides than the front or back. The sides were literally down to my ankles. Who the heck would wear that? It's not like I'm a midget or anything, but you'd have to be 7 feet tall for that to hang right. It didn't look like that in the catalog picture, that's for sure. They also assume all fat women have huge breasts. I don't. I don't even fill out a C-cup. Everything is huge on the top but fits on the bottom. UGH. Don't even get me started on pants.

Quote for the day:
"People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. "
~Author Unknown

Endorphins make the world go 'round

Exercising "with" Richard was fun! I'm so glad I did it. (I did get to show off! LOL) It proves to me that I am able to exercise, so I am definitely going to start working out again. I did have to sit a few times, but not for any longer than 2 minutes. I was actually shocked that I was able to do as much as I was. Shocked but very happy. Also, when I was done my knee didn't hurt and it wasn't stiff. It's worth exercising just to not have pain in my knee for a few hours.
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I got gas for $2.17 yesterday, and today it's down to $2.13. It's amazing that gas is now half what it was just a few months ago.
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I told my boss that I really wouldn't be able to move out of my office by tomorrow because I had too much work to do before my vacation. She said, "You have to. I have to get N in here." That is so ridiculous. N's replacement won't even be hired until January. So now I have to go in early tomorrow to finish up the bare minimum of what I need to do so that the data sheets don't get more screwed up. I also have no where to move since no one has relocated in the other office. I'm so glad I'm on vacation next week, because I have pretty much had it. No wonder V (my predecessor) was so miserable.
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I always think of all this interesting stuff to post on my blog throughout the day, then I forget about it by the time I get home. Sigh....
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Quote of the day:
One of the saddest things is that the thing a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can’t eat for eight hours a day, nor drink for eight hours a day, nor make love for eight hours a day. All you can do for eight hours is work.
–William Faulkner (1897-1962)

Sweatin' with Dicky!

I found out today that this week's special exercise session for our fitness program at work is participating in a Richard Simmons video on big screen TV. Somehow I doubt it will have the same impact as exercising with him in person! I hope it's one of the earlier videos, the ones I have done 10,000 times before so I can totally show off.

I need to get a new camera. I keep saying that, but now that I have this blog, I would like to post some pictures (if I can ever figure out how to do it).

Work is getting ridiculous. I have a sh*tload of stuff to catch up on before I take off next week, and now B me to take on another time consuming task. She really has no idea how much extra work I already do.

Quote of the day:
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at a time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. Since you have arrived sixth in line to RIDE MY ASS today, please take a number and WAIT YOUR TURN!

Kind of Random

I met an old friend from work at the grocery store today. When we first worked together she was married. Then she got divorced and ended up with another woman. They had commitment ceremony. We had a shower for them at work (I made an awesome card, if I do say so myself!). Eventually they split and she ended up marrying a man and having a son. The reason I bring this up is because seeing her made me think about Proposition 8. I don't live in Cali, so I could not vote on this issue. I have to admit I am pretty ignorant about politics. I try to keep up on things, but it bores me. However, I don't understand how same-sex couples can be given the right to marry, and then someone decides to put it on a ballot so people can vote to take it back.
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Wish I'd Said That:
H always had super-long luxurious curly strawberry blond hair. The other day she showed up at my building with a bob. After everyone had commented on how nice it looked, D, another colleague, walked into the lobby and said,"Oh, H, did you get your hair cut?" Our secretary, C, turned around and said, "Nope, she just washed it and it shrunk."

As Bill Engvall says, "Here's your sign."
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I am so wishy-washy. I have a hard time making decisions about anything. So how can I expect to make a decision about gastric bypass. One day I'm all gung ho about going for it. Might as well, I'm never going to do this on my own, blah, blah, blah. Yet in the back of my mind is the thinking that if I have the surgery I will forever feel like a failure. I feel like if I don't do it the "right" way, the healthy way, I will regret it for the rest of my life.
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Quote of the day:
Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip.
Arnold H. Glasgow