Ms. Undastood

Warning: This may be a very whiny post.

I got in trouble at work today.

My boss called me into her office and said that I was too negative, rude, and asked me if I was passive aggressive. She then brought up all these other times that I have apparently been negative and inappropriate. What do I call the fact that she saved all this up instead of speaking to me the first time she felt this way about what I said? This was in reference to meetings with other departments in the same agency, where I felt I was being honest, not negative. I don't really remember what I said specifically, so I don't know what she construed as being negative/rude. I can be very blunt, so I can see how this might be seen as being rude to someone who doesn't really know me, but, damn, I felt so ambushed and soooooo frustrated. I tried not to be defensive, but really didn't know how to respond. I felt tears welling up, so I just concentrated on not crying. Just kept nodding. I don't know what to do now. I am going to be afraid to open my mouth. I always felt it was okay to voice my opinion, but obviously it's not.

On the plus side, I managed not to cry until I got in my car and off the property.

Calling Dr. Doolittle!

My old dog, Jake, when it thundered, would curl up back by the closed bedroom doors. It was like a little cave where he would be protected from the lightning. This was only a problem when I needed to leave my bedroom and he refused to move. Climbing over a 75 pound dog when I had to pee was not easy. Josh, however. cowers by the stove--the place where the most electricity comes into the house, as far as I can figure. It's really hard to work around a 95 pound dog shivering in the middle of your very small kitchen. Sigh. The girl dog, on the other hand, could not care less. We think she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, so is she too dumb to be afraid???

The late, great Jake "helping" me exercise, circa sometime in the '90's---






The cats are not allowed on my sheets or up near the pillows. I am mildly allergic to cats, so I really cannot be inhaling cat dander all night. Now they are both smart enough to know I don't want them on the sheets or at the top of the bed. How do I know this? Because as soon as I walk into the bedroom, they get up and move off of the sheets (if I have left the bed unmade--this can happen in the 2 minutes it takes me to, again, pee) or move down to the bottom of the bed. Beyotches. Sigh...

Spring, my ass!

So, yesterday was the first day of Spring and it snowed. At least it didn't stick. Today it was freezing again. I got myself a new Spring pocketbook, but I refuse to wear it with my winter coat!!!

I don't plant anything directly in the earth in my yard. I've always had problems with moles and they ate everything I planted or moved it around. So now every year three rogue surviving crocuses come up in different areas of the front lawn. I start looking for them a few weeks before Spring starts. So, yay, Tuesday I see the first crocus!!! I took its picture with my cell phone. And Friday it snows. Poor little crocus. It's still there but not looking too healthy. I can't wait until it's time to plant flowers in all my planters. Then I will know it's really Spring!

So, this is my blog issue. I'm on the computer so much at work that when I get home I don't want to even look at a computer any more. So I don't go on the computer for a few days. Then I realize I am going to have a ton of mail to deal with, so I don't want to go on the computer even more! 'Til finally, 2 or 3 weeks later, I say, "I've really got to go on the computer." Whereupon I spend 2 and 1/2 hours reading e-mails. And those are only the ones I consider worth reading. Out of 380 I read 102.

So, this is my issue with American Idol. The contestants have to sing songs from a different genre each week. This week was country music. I like some country music, especially Garth Brooks, but I digress. This is supposedly so the judges and the American public can see that the contestants can perform at least adequately in all genres of music. So why is it that when the contestants take a perfectly good country song and sing it in a non-country way in a non-country arangement they get the highest praise from the judges? Is a puzzlement. Maybe I am getting over reality TV.

So, this is my issue with work. I don't want to do it anymore. Most of what I have to do is such an agonizing bore that I cannot force myself to focus. I wander out of my office looking for other things to do. But if I don't do my work, no one else will. And, yes, of course, I know I am lucky to have a job. So the papers just continue to pile up on my desk, and I still need to write an annual in-service to give the week after next.

So, this is my issue with weight. Once upon a time, I lost a hundred pounds in 12 weeks, and I wasn't even on The Biggest Loser. And I didn't do it in an unhealthy way, either. I just got up one morning and it all clicked. I started exercising that very day, even though I could only manage 15 minutes, and started eating right. In about a year after that I managed to lose another 50 pounds. I was no where near goal, but felt awesome. I'm the opposite of what usually happens, I lost the weight fast and gained it back really slow. So slow that I almost didn't notice it. I'm noticing it now, and hoping for another "click," but it just doesn't seem to be happening. I'm starting to realize that it may never happen again and I will have to slog my way through kicking and screaming, and probably crying. I do remember how happy I was then, but it seems so far away...

Oh, for crap's sake!

My blog seems to have disappeared. I open it up and there aren't any posts. Everything else is there, just no posts.

There was a foot of snow outside this morning, so I called in to work. When I spoke to the assistant manager, I said, "Hi, it's Laura, I'm not coming in today." She said, "I didn't think you were." I have not called in on a snow day yet this year. I went in after all the overnight storms. I stayed through all the storms that started during the day. So WTF was that supposed to mean?

I got an e-mail today saying that the camera I ordered was out of stock and my order was cancelled. It took a week and and a half for them to figure that out?

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On a nice note, the neighbor came over and plowed out the car and the front walk. He shoveled the front steps and even cleaned the snow off my car. Unfortunately, it snowed quite a bit more, but I can handle cleaning up what's left.

Edited to add: I have my posts back. Yay.

I am now the proud owner of...

...a Laura Silverman piece!!! (Well, I will be as soon as it gets here.) It's so gorgeous in the pictures...I can't wait to see it on my neck. It's so funny that I have really just recently started wearing necklaces. (I thought my neck was too fat to wear them. Stupid, I know.) Woo-hoo I'm gonna have a piece of art on my neck!

My boss was so annoying yesterday. She comes into my office and says, "I have to send you to the hospital today. I don't have anyone else." Now, if she had asked me nicely I would have agreed to go and felt good about it, instead I resented it. Then, 15 minutes after I got there, I was in G's hospital room and she called me on my cell phone to tell me I had to go down to the ER right away to meet another consumer who was coming in by ambulance. From all the times I have spent in the ER with my mom, I should have known there was no rush. But I did go right down, only to sit in the waiting room for an hour waiting to see him. By the time I got in to see him, it was only 10 minutes until someone came in to relieve me. So I went back to G's room and stayed for some extra time. I hate that the consumers have to be in the hospital alone. On top of all that my boss tells me that we won't be providing the agreed upon amount of hospital coverage for G because we just don't have the staff. G is a Willowbrook Class individual. This coverage, as far as I know, is mandated by law. I told her when she came in today that she had to call the Director of QA, because I really don't think we can just blatantly disregard this.
All I know is that I couldn't just let it pass, it's my responsibility to see that regulations are followed. I guess I will find out what the Director of QA has to say tomorrow.

I've decided to try eating the lunches served at work every day instead of going out or ordering out; they are healthy for the most part. Today we had pot roast that was so tough I wasn't sure I could swallow it, but I guess that helped me eat less. :-)

I have finally ordered a new camera, so soon this blog will be filled with a ridiculous amount of pictures of my animals, that is if I can figure out how to get them on here!

Long Time, No See

Once again, I can't believe how long it has been since I've been here. A lot of stuff has happened since I was here last.

We have a new president. We had an inauguration party at work. We decorated the dining room (where the big screen TV is) with red white and blue balloons, basically because staff wanted to be able to watch. But, the guys were good, and they applauded in the appropriate places. I was glad to be able to see it--it was an exciting day. Except...what was up with Aretha's hat???
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I was flabbergasted to find out that the agency I work for has named Sarah Palin as the Honoree of the Year. I honestly thought it was a joke when I first saw it on the website. I though someone had hacked into the company website and posted it. But no, it's for real. I guess because she gave birth to a baby with Down Syndrome, this suddenly makes her the patron saint of the developmentally disabled. I can't believe that this person that stands for everything I despise is being honored by the agency.
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The snow!!! Enough with the frickin' frackin' snow already! Last year we had next to no snow, this year it seems like a storm a week. And the cold! I just want to stay in my bed with my new flannel comforter and not come out until spring.
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My weight on January 30th was 451.5. The only difference I made is making sure I drink at least 2 quarts of water a day. Baby steps.
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I need to find a new doctor. I went to the doctor two weeks ago for my usual bloodwork. I knew it wouldn't be good, because I had run out of medication and I was peeing constantly. My blood sugar was high when I was there, and I had glucose in my urine. I got refills on my meds, and they added a new med which I would be trying for a month. A few days later I get a call that I have to come in to "discuss" my test results. Translated that means come in so we can charge you for another visit. Knowing that I have to go back at the end of the month since I only got one month's supply of the new med, I ignored the call. A few days ago, I called for a refill on another prescription. (It turned out that they had given me the wrong refill last time, so I took double the amount so my dosage would be correct, which meant I ran out in two weeks. I called to get the correct prescription.) I recieved a call back saying I had to come in to discuss my results and then I could have my prescription! I said, so because I can't come in right away to discuss my results I can't get my meds? That's right. I was so mad I wanted to scream! Luckily I still had a refill on the "wrong" prescription, so I was able to get that, even though I had to pay for it. I truly can't believe they tried to hold me hostage like that.

A friend of mine from my old job has liver cancer. Our insurance is giving her a hard time about her treatment. They want to put a port in her liver for chemo before they operate to remove more than half her liver, and the insurance won't cover it because it is considered "experimental surgery."

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH DOCTOR'S OR INSURANCE COMPANIES THIS WEEK!
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American Idol-we have a final 36...how long until there are 12 and I can actually start to care?

Biggest Loser-an hour for the weigh-ins? Still? Really?

Why am I watching Rock of Love Bus? It ought to make me ashamed to be female, but I just can't stop myself.
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I just read a great book called The Little Giant of Aberdeen County by Tiffany Baker. I couldn't put it down. I could never be a book reviewer, because I can't put into words why I liked it so much. I guess I just know what I like.

It's a good thing I love to read, otherwise my brain would turn to mush from my TV viewing habits.

It is so freakin' cold outside...like 18 degrees cold. And it's not even the end of November! I. am. not. liking. this. at. all. My lips are so chapped, not even multiple application of Carmex are helping. I am on vacation, or "staycation" according to the Urban Dictionary. Right now it's me, two cats, my laptop and my bed. All is good. Tomorrow I have to take my mother to the doctor. Tuesday I have to bring my car in for service. Wednesday I have to take my mother to the doctor. Thursday I will be slaving over Thanksgiving dinner. (Okay, I exaggerate.) At least it will be warm by the stove. I also hope to get a haircut somewhere in between. I guess vegging out yesterday and today are the extent of the relaxation I am going to get.

I'm watching "My Fair Wedding" on We. The bride is from Long Island. I'm wondering if I sound like her.

I am so sick of trying to find decent clothes. I had to return half the stuff I ordered because it was either stupid looking or just didn't fit right. Why do designers (and I use the term loosely) think fat women want to wear bizarrely cut clothing. One shirt was longer on the sides than the front or back. The sides were literally down to my ankles. Who the heck would wear that? It's not like I'm a midget or anything, but you'd have to be 7 feet tall for that to hang right. It didn't look like that in the catalog picture, that's for sure. They also assume all fat women have huge breasts. I don't. I don't even fill out a C-cup. Everything is huge on the top but fits on the bottom. UGH. Don't even get me started on pants.

Quote for the day:
"People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. "
~Author Unknown

WTF?

Alright, why the heck do I not have any comment link? I must have done something wrong. Not that I am expecting an avalanche of comments, but I'd like it to be a possibility....