Procrastinate much?

I finally planted some flowers in my outside planters. Found some cheap flowers at the local supermarket. (I guess they are trying to get rid of their stock, since summer's almost OVER.) I planted mini chrysanthemums (wow! spellcheck says that's right!) in several colors and some dahlias.

The dahlias look like this:



Better late than never!

Strange psycho thoughts

I think I have reverse body dysmorphic disorder. People with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) are obsessed by the idea that some part of their body is ugly or deformed, when in truth it looks normal. I look in the mirror and think, eh, I don't look that bad. Yet I know from looking at other people my size that I am abnormal. It is not normal to be this fat. I flip between finding myself repulsive (more likely if I catch a glimpse of myself nekkid) and thinking I look okay (mostly when I am clothed). I think that this may, in some way, be my brain's way of conning me into thinking I really don't need to lose weight. The prescription bottles in the cabinet, of course, tell me different.

I ordered the Sweatin' to the Oldies DVDs since my videos are shot. It also has an extra DVD which I believe is about loving yourself(?). I know that I can mostly get through Sweatin' 1 and Sweatin' 2, so I'm hoping the new DVDs will inspire me.

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What a bizarre day it was last Thursday...whoever thought Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson would die on the same day. Since I grew up in the 70's for the most part, they were both an integral part of my childhood/teen years.

Farrah...rest in peace.
Michael...I hope you finally find peace.

Spring, my ass!

So, yesterday was the first day of Spring and it snowed. At least it didn't stick. Today it was freezing again. I got myself a new Spring pocketbook, but I refuse to wear it with my winter coat!!!

I don't plant anything directly in the earth in my yard. I've always had problems with moles and they ate everything I planted or moved it around. So now every year three rogue surviving crocuses come up in different areas of the front lawn. I start looking for them a few weeks before Spring starts. So, yay, Tuesday I see the first crocus!!! I took its picture with my cell phone. And Friday it snows. Poor little crocus. It's still there but not looking too healthy. I can't wait until it's time to plant flowers in all my planters. Then I will know it's really Spring!

So, this is my blog issue. I'm on the computer so much at work that when I get home I don't want to even look at a computer any more. So I don't go on the computer for a few days. Then I realize I am going to have a ton of mail to deal with, so I don't want to go on the computer even more! 'Til finally, 2 or 3 weeks later, I say, "I've really got to go on the computer." Whereupon I spend 2 and 1/2 hours reading e-mails. And those are only the ones I consider worth reading. Out of 380 I read 102.

So, this is my issue with American Idol. The contestants have to sing songs from a different genre each week. This week was country music. I like some country music, especially Garth Brooks, but I digress. This is supposedly so the judges and the American public can see that the contestants can perform at least adequately in all genres of music. So why is it that when the contestants take a perfectly good country song and sing it in a non-country way in a non-country arangement they get the highest praise from the judges? Is a puzzlement. Maybe I am getting over reality TV.

So, this is my issue with work. I don't want to do it anymore. Most of what I have to do is such an agonizing bore that I cannot force myself to focus. I wander out of my office looking for other things to do. But if I don't do my work, no one else will. And, yes, of course, I know I am lucky to have a job. So the papers just continue to pile up on my desk, and I still need to write an annual in-service to give the week after next.

So, this is my issue with weight. Once upon a time, I lost a hundred pounds in 12 weeks, and I wasn't even on The Biggest Loser. And I didn't do it in an unhealthy way, either. I just got up one morning and it all clicked. I started exercising that very day, even though I could only manage 15 minutes, and started eating right. In about a year after that I managed to lose another 50 pounds. I was no where near goal, but felt awesome. I'm the opposite of what usually happens, I lost the weight fast and gained it back really slow. So slow that I almost didn't notice it. I'm noticing it now, and hoping for another "click," but it just doesn't seem to be happening. I'm starting to realize that it may never happen again and I will have to slog my way through kicking and screaming, and probably crying. I do remember how happy I was then, but it seems so far away...

Long Time, No See

Once again, I can't believe how long it has been since I've been here. A lot of stuff has happened since I was here last.

We have a new president. We had an inauguration party at work. We decorated the dining room (where the big screen TV is) with red white and blue balloons, basically because staff wanted to be able to watch. But, the guys were good, and they applauded in the appropriate places. I was glad to be able to see it--it was an exciting day. Except...what was up with Aretha's hat???
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I was flabbergasted to find out that the agency I work for has named Sarah Palin as the Honoree of the Year. I honestly thought it was a joke when I first saw it on the website. I though someone had hacked into the company website and posted it. But no, it's for real. I guess because she gave birth to a baby with Down Syndrome, this suddenly makes her the patron saint of the developmentally disabled. I can't believe that this person that stands for everything I despise is being honored by the agency.
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The snow!!! Enough with the frickin' frackin' snow already! Last year we had next to no snow, this year it seems like a storm a week. And the cold! I just want to stay in my bed with my new flannel comforter and not come out until spring.
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My weight on January 30th was 451.5. The only difference I made is making sure I drink at least 2 quarts of water a day. Baby steps.
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I need to find a new doctor. I went to the doctor two weeks ago for my usual bloodwork. I knew it wouldn't be good, because I had run out of medication and I was peeing constantly. My blood sugar was high when I was there, and I had glucose in my urine. I got refills on my meds, and they added a new med which I would be trying for a month. A few days later I get a call that I have to come in to "discuss" my test results. Translated that means come in so we can charge you for another visit. Knowing that I have to go back at the end of the month since I only got one month's supply of the new med, I ignored the call. A few days ago, I called for a refill on another prescription. (It turned out that they had given me the wrong refill last time, so I took double the amount so my dosage would be correct, which meant I ran out in two weeks. I called to get the correct prescription.) I recieved a call back saying I had to come in to discuss my results and then I could have my prescription! I said, so because I can't come in right away to discuss my results I can't get my meds? That's right. I was so mad I wanted to scream! Luckily I still had a refill on the "wrong" prescription, so I was able to get that, even though I had to pay for it. I truly can't believe they tried to hold me hostage like that.

A friend of mine from my old job has liver cancer. Our insurance is giving her a hard time about her treatment. They want to put a port in her liver for chemo before they operate to remove more than half her liver, and the insurance won't cover it because it is considered "experimental surgery."

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH DOCTOR'S OR INSURANCE COMPANIES THIS WEEK!
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American Idol-we have a final 36...how long until there are 12 and I can actually start to care?

Biggest Loser-an hour for the weigh-ins? Still? Really?

Why am I watching Rock of Love Bus? It ought to make me ashamed to be female, but I just can't stop myself.
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I just read a great book called The Little Giant of Aberdeen County by Tiffany Baker. I couldn't put it down. I could never be a book reviewer, because I can't put into words why I liked it so much. I guess I just know what I like.

It's a good thing I love to read, otherwise my brain would turn to mush from my TV viewing habits.

457.7

That's my official weigh-in for the new year (actually New Year's Eve). Now to decide what I am going to DO about it!!!

99 Things

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to: leave in plain font

1. started your own blog
2. slept under the stars
3. played in a band-unfortunately I have no musical talent--I did sing in the chorus in elementary and high school, though.
4. visited hawaii
5. watched a meteor shower
6. given more than you can afford to charity--I don't know....how much is too much??
7. been to disneyland/world
8. climbed a mountain
9. held a praying mantis
10. sang a solo
11. bungee jumped
12. visited paris
13. watched a lightning storm at sea
14. taught yourself an art from scratch
15. adopted a child
16. had food poisoning
17. walked to the top of the statue of liberty
18. grown your own vegetables
19. seen the mona lisa in france
20. slept on an overnight train
21. had a pillow fight
22. hitch hiked
23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. built a snow fort
25. held a lamb
26. gone skinny dipping
27. run a marathon
28. ridden a gondola in venice
29. seen a total eclipse
30. watched a sunrise or sunset
31. hit a home run
32. been on a cruise
33. seen niagara falls in person
34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. seen an amish community
36. taught yourself a new language
37. had enough money to be truly satisfied-are we ever TRULY satisfied?
38. seen the leaning tower of pisa in person
39. gone rock climbing
40. seen michelangelo's david in person
41. sung karaoke
42. seen old faithful geyser erupt
43. bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. visited africa
45. walked on a beach by moonlight
46. been transported in an ambulance
47. had your portrait painted
48. gone deep sea fishing
49. seen the sistene chapel in person
50. been to the top of the eiffel tower in paris
51. gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. kissed in the rain
53. played in the mud
54. gone to a drive-in theatre - with my mom & dad in my pjs when I was little
55. been in a movie
56. visited the great wall of china
57. started a business
58. taken a martial arts class
59. visited russia
60. served at a soup kitchen
61. sold girl scout cookies
62. gone whale watching
63. gotten flowers for no reason
64. donated blood
65. gone sky diving
66. visited a nazi concentration camp
67. bounced a check
68. flown in a helicopter
69. saved a favorite childhood toy
70. visited the lincoln memorial
71. eaten caviar
72. pieced a quilt
73. stood in times square
74. toured the everglades
75. been fired from a job - I was leaving anyway, but still!
76. seen the changing of the guard in london
77. broken a bone
78. been on a speeding motorcycle
79. seen the grand canyon in person
80. published a book I wrote the text for a book that was published in-house by my company...does that count?
81. visited the vatican
82. bought a brand new car
83. walked in jerusalem
84. had your picture in the newspaper
85. read the entire bible
86. visited the white house
87. killed and prepared an animal for eating - hell to the NO!
88. had chickenpox
89. saved someone’s life
90. sat on a jury
91. met someone famous
92. joined a book club
93. lost a loved one
94. had a baby
95. seen the alamo in person
96. swum in the great salt lake
97. been involved in a law suit
98. owned a cell phone
99. got stung by a bee

The definition of insanity...

...is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

Like having pasta too often and not expecting to have horrid heartburn.

Last year when I went Christmas shopping for 2 of our consumers at work, I wore my big clunky lumberjack boots (because it was freezing and there was nasty, icy muck on the ground) and was in agony for 3 days afterwards, because, while they are good in ice and snow, they weigh about eleven billion pounds and have absolutely no cushioning. So spending 3 hours at Target=pain. I said to myself, "Self (that's what I call myself), do not go power shopping wearing these boots ever again." So today I have to go shopping for 2 of my consumers (1 the same, 1 different), and what is on my feet because of the nasty, icy muck on the ground? Yup, my insanity boots. Ouch, my feet hurt! My back's not feeling so great either.

I raced home like a maniac so I could make it to the post office while the lobby was still open because I am expecting a couple of packages (Christmas presents), one for my mom and one for my boss. Neither one of them arrived, dammit. I hope my boss does not give me a gift tomorrow, because I will have nothing to reciprocate.

I hate having to give gifts to people I don't like, but politically, I don't really have any choice. I did get some cute gifts for my office mates. I think they will like them.

I went to Richard's chat tonight, but I'm not sure why. I have made no attempt to do anything about my weight, and I feel like an imposter going there, even though I have not said anything to indicate otherwise. It just seems like, if you go there, you ought to be doing something about your weight, your mind, your life.

Looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead

I haven't abandoned this blog already...really I haven't. I can't believe I haven't been here in so long. I haven't been feeling well...just a draggy cold/upper respiratory kind of thing, but mostly I come home and crawl under the covers and veg in front of the t.v. because it's cold and I'm tired. I've been having problems sleeping lately, worse than usual. The problem is not the actual sleeping, it's the getting to sleep. I will toss and turn and stare at the ceiling and wonder what the lyrics to "Blind Man in the Bleachers" are for hours. Once I am asleep I have no problem staying that way. In fact it's one of my favorite things to do. But lately I've been getting maybe 5 hours of sleep at night and drinking Diet Pepsi all day at work to stay awake.

Our governer has a plan to add a lot of taxes to weird things. He is going to tax regular soda, but not diet, as kind of an obesity tax. How many fat people drink regular soda? I've always drunk (drank?) diet soda because I liked the taste better, so I have no clue if this will be an effective tax.

I am finally back in my old office at work, and I am quite happy to be there. N, who moved into my previous/temporary office, hates it. Too bad, so sad. I knew I had made a mistake moving up front the very first day I was up there, and was thrilled for an excuse to move back, especially when it made B look bad. :-)

I ventured out today in the ice and snow to go food shopping and to deliver the treats and toys to the animal shelter. As I was driving up the long, long driveway to the shelter, it was covered with ice and snow...this did not bode well. I pulled into the parking lot and opened the door to a sea of solid ice. Apparently they did not sand or anything. I was too afraid of falling, especially since I had several other errands to run (and did not want to do them with a frozen butt), so I got back in the car and left. I will have to make sure I get over there by Wednesday.

I couldn't even shovel the snow. It snowed a ton while I was at work yesterday, then it rained and sleeted throughout the night, so everything re-froze. Then it snowed again this morning. My theory is that it is better to leave the snow as it is so I have something to walk on instead of trying to navigate across sheer ice. I want to move somewhere warm. Like this:

http://www.redfin.com/CA/OAKLAND/9416-WALNUT-St-94603/home/592836

How does a blogger get "famous"?

I admit it. I'm addicted to blogs. If they ever find out how much time I spend reading blogs at work, I'll probably get fired. Seriously. I read some well-known blogs, like Pasta Queen, Dooce and Derfwad Manor, and I just wonder how a blogger gets famous. I mean, I know they have to have something to say and a unique way to say it, but what's the difference between those that click and those who just putter along without nearly enough followers. Some bloggers will post only once or twice a week, yet they are the most popular blogs on the internet. Yet some people who are fantastic writers get no attention. (I'm not talking about myself...I haven't found my blog "voice" yet.) I wonder if there's some kind of secret blog manual.

Work's still sucking. My boss couldn't be bothered to talk to the people who have to move around so I can go back to my office, so I was homeless today. I worked in my current office, but everything's packed up and it's really hard to work out of boxes. I did get some work accomplished, but less than I wanted to. (It was easier to read blogs! :-))

Thanksgiving in a can

It's only me and mom for Thanksgiving. We haven't had company since Jan and the girls moved away. We don't have any family to go to, nor really any friends, not that she would go anywhere even if we were invited. So we make Thanksgiving dinner as easy as possible. A turkey, Stove Top stuffing (because she thinks stuffing in the bird will kill us), canned asparagus, canned cranberry sauce, canned gravy, and a turnip (for her). I stuff an apple in the turkey. I don't know if that makes a change in the taste or anything, but they (whoever "they" are) say you should put something in the cavity. I think most people use lemons. The whole stuffing issue is actually a good thing for me, because I eat one helping of the Stove Top and that's it. If it was "real" stuffing, in the bird, I would eat tons of it. I even make the Stove Top with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Light. The only thing I may overindulge in is the turkey itself, and since I seldom eat enough protein, I don't have a problem with that.

Thanksgiving is mom's birthday, too. I got her a German Shepherd Rescue calendar and a pair of earrings she wanted. I ordered a couple of other things, but they didn't arrive in time. Oh well, I will save them for Christmas.

It is so freakin' cold outside...like 18 degrees cold. And it's not even the end of November! I. am. not. liking. this. at. all. My lips are so chapped, not even multiple application of Carmex are helping. I am on vacation, or "staycation" according to the Urban Dictionary. Right now it's me, two cats, my laptop and my bed. All is good. Tomorrow I have to take my mother to the doctor. Tuesday I have to bring my car in for service. Wednesday I have to take my mother to the doctor. Thursday I will be slaving over Thanksgiving dinner. (Okay, I exaggerate.) At least it will be warm by the stove. I also hope to get a haircut somewhere in between. I guess vegging out yesterday and today are the extent of the relaxation I am going to get.

I'm watching "My Fair Wedding" on We. The bride is from Long Island. I'm wondering if I sound like her.

I am so sick of trying to find decent clothes. I had to return half the stuff I ordered because it was either stupid looking or just didn't fit right. Why do designers (and I use the term loosely) think fat women want to wear bizarrely cut clothing. One shirt was longer on the sides than the front or back. The sides were literally down to my ankles. Who the heck would wear that? It's not like I'm a midget or anything, but you'd have to be 7 feet tall for that to hang right. It didn't look like that in the catalog picture, that's for sure. They also assume all fat women have huge breasts. I don't. I don't even fill out a C-cup. Everything is huge on the top but fits on the bottom. UGH. Don't even get me started on pants.

Quote for the day:
"People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. "
~Author Unknown

Endorphins make the world go 'round

Exercising "with" Richard was fun! I'm so glad I did it. (I did get to show off! LOL) It proves to me that I am able to exercise, so I am definitely going to start working out again. I did have to sit a few times, but not for any longer than 2 minutes. I was actually shocked that I was able to do as much as I was. Shocked but very happy. Also, when I was done my knee didn't hurt and it wasn't stiff. It's worth exercising just to not have pain in my knee for a few hours.
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I got gas for $2.17 yesterday, and today it's down to $2.13. It's amazing that gas is now half what it was just a few months ago.
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I told my boss that I really wouldn't be able to move out of my office by tomorrow because I had too much work to do before my vacation. She said, "You have to. I have to get N in here." That is so ridiculous. N's replacement won't even be hired until January. So now I have to go in early tomorrow to finish up the bare minimum of what I need to do so that the data sheets don't get more screwed up. I also have no where to move since no one has relocated in the other office. I'm so glad I'm on vacation next week, because I have pretty much had it. No wonder V (my predecessor) was so miserable.
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I always think of all this interesting stuff to post on my blog throughout the day, then I forget about it by the time I get home. Sigh....
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Quote of the day:
One of the saddest things is that the thing a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can’t eat for eight hours a day, nor drink for eight hours a day, nor make love for eight hours a day. All you can do for eight hours is work.
–William Faulkner (1897-1962)

Sweatin' with Dicky!

I found out today that this week's special exercise session for our fitness program at work is participating in a Richard Simmons video on big screen TV. Somehow I doubt it will have the same impact as exercising with him in person! I hope it's one of the earlier videos, the ones I have done 10,000 times before so I can totally show off.

I need to get a new camera. I keep saying that, but now that I have this blog, I would like to post some pictures (if I can ever figure out how to do it).

Work is getting ridiculous. I have a sh*tload of stuff to catch up on before I take off next week, and now B me to take on another time consuming task. She really has no idea how much extra work I already do.

Quote of the day:
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at a time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. Since you have arrived sixth in line to RIDE MY ASS today, please take a number and WAIT YOUR TURN!

Kind of Random

I met an old friend from work at the grocery store today. When we first worked together she was married. Then she got divorced and ended up with another woman. They had commitment ceremony. We had a shower for them at work (I made an awesome card, if I do say so myself!). Eventually they split and she ended up marrying a man and having a son. The reason I bring this up is because seeing her made me think about Proposition 8. I don't live in Cali, so I could not vote on this issue. I have to admit I am pretty ignorant about politics. I try to keep up on things, but it bores me. However, I don't understand how same-sex couples can be given the right to marry, and then someone decides to put it on a ballot so people can vote to take it back.
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Wish I'd Said That:
H always had super-long luxurious curly strawberry blond hair. The other day she showed up at my building with a bob. After everyone had commented on how nice it looked, D, another colleague, walked into the lobby and said,"Oh, H, did you get your hair cut?" Our secretary, C, turned around and said, "Nope, she just washed it and it shrunk."

As Bill Engvall says, "Here's your sign."
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I am so wishy-washy. I have a hard time making decisions about anything. So how can I expect to make a decision about gastric bypass. One day I'm all gung ho about going for it. Might as well, I'm never going to do this on my own, blah, blah, blah. Yet in the back of my mind is the thinking that if I have the surgery I will forever feel like a failure. I feel like if I don't do it the "right" way, the healthy way, I will regret it for the rest of my life.
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Quote of the day:
Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip.
Arnold H. Glasgow

2-Trying to get a "real life."

My life is boring. I get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Oh, and I eat, of course. I have never been married, nor have I ever had a child. I still hold out hope of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with, but my biological clock has probably ticked it's last tock. I haven't had a significant relationship in forever. I briefly got involved in the "fat and gaining" culture, but it was just too bizarre for me. I would talk to guys and they would ask me if I was willing to gain more weight (I wasn't fat enough for them!?!?!?!). I told them if I gained any more weight I wouldn't be able to walk--why would I want to do that? Like I said, bizarre... I gave up on that scene very quickly.

So another goal for me to work on is finding myself a man. I stumped on this one right now, because, since I find myself repulsive, why would anyone want to be with me?

My job? I guess it's a good job. I help people. I work with mentally retarded adults. I was a teacher at a Day Treatment program for 17 years, and now I work as a QMRP at our agency's nursing home. (That basically means I am in charge of making all the i's are dotted and all the t's are crossed and everything in all of our paperwork agrees.) I miss working with the "guys" one on one, but I was really burnt out and also permanently damaged my neck and shoulders from lifting and transferring people for 20 years. I guess this is my career. Oh well, no Oscar for me!
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I ended up not going to Zumba tonight. Partly because I wasn't feeling well. I've been fighting some kind of upper respiratory thing for a week. And, I admit, because I was scared to let people see me trying to do it.

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Foot in mouth disease:

My soon-to-be-ex-office is being painted. The current paint job has a nice forest green on the bottom and a sickly yellow-green on the top. I asked the secretary who picked the current color, "because I really hate it." She replied, "I did." Anybody got some ketchup for my big fat foot?

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Random Thoughts

Is there any difference (besides price) between the Arm and Hammer Cat Litter Deodorizer and plain baking powder?

When did sweatshirts become hoodies?
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Quote of the day:

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. ~Harriet Beecher Stowe