Sigh

Once again, almost a whole week has gone by between posts. I do not even notice the time going by!

Christmas was...Christmas. Mom slept until 2 (early for her), we opened our presents, I made dinner, and that was the end of it. Nothing exciting. She got me two things I asked for; a wireless mouse for my laptop and a sound machine (it has relaxing sounds on it...ocean waves, waterfalls, etc.). She also got me a pretty necklace with some little diamonds on it. I was happy with my gifts. I still want to adopt a polar bear, though.

Normally, I would have taken the 26th off and made it a four-day weekend, but for some reason I didn't put in for it. It sucked getting up and going in on Friday, but it was a quiet day and I got a lot of work done.

I should change the name of this blog to Boring Chick Blogging.

Busy, busy, busy

I don't understand how, when it's just me and my mother, Christmas still ends up being so busy. Today at work we finished the boxes for the staff and started handing them out. The consumers performed their Christmas pageant, which was adorable...wish I was allowed to post pictures! We had a cookie exchange (I don't wanna talk about it :-p). We had a special holiday lunch prepared by the dietary staff. Somewhere in there I did a bit of work, flew out the door at 4, came home and got my mother because she wanted me to take her Christmas shopping (for me). We also finally delivered our donations to the animal shelter, visited the kitties and the dogs, and saw the cutest puppy (which we are NOT getting). Then we went to a couple of stores. I had to get a last minute gift for my boss, since what I ordered STILL didn't come, so I ran into my favorite little gift shop, only to find they are closing. I did find a nice gift, but I am bummed they are closing since they were my go-to place when I was looking for a unique gift. Then we had to go food shopping. I really should run to Walmart tomorrow, because I forgot something I wanted to get my mother, but I'm not sure I can face Walmart on Christmas Eve.

Anyway, I hope this works. I want to put one of my favorite Christmas songs on here.

The definition of insanity...

...is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

Like having pasta too often and not expecting to have horrid heartburn.

Last year when I went Christmas shopping for 2 of our consumers at work, I wore my big clunky lumberjack boots (because it was freezing and there was nasty, icy muck on the ground) and was in agony for 3 days afterwards, because, while they are good in ice and snow, they weigh about eleven billion pounds and have absolutely no cushioning. So spending 3 hours at Target=pain. I said to myself, "Self (that's what I call myself), do not go power shopping wearing these boots ever again." So today I have to go shopping for 2 of my consumers (1 the same, 1 different), and what is on my feet because of the nasty, icy muck on the ground? Yup, my insanity boots. Ouch, my feet hurt! My back's not feeling so great either.

I raced home like a maniac so I could make it to the post office while the lobby was still open because I am expecting a couple of packages (Christmas presents), one for my mom and one for my boss. Neither one of them arrived, dammit. I hope my boss does not give me a gift tomorrow, because I will have nothing to reciprocate.

I hate having to give gifts to people I don't like, but politically, I don't really have any choice. I did get some cute gifts for my office mates. I think they will like them.

I went to Richard's chat tonight, but I'm not sure why. I have made no attempt to do anything about my weight, and I feel like an imposter going there, even though I have not said anything to indicate otherwise. It just seems like, if you go there, you ought to be doing something about your weight, your mind, your life.

Looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead

I haven't abandoned this blog already...really I haven't. I can't believe I haven't been here in so long. I haven't been feeling well...just a draggy cold/upper respiratory kind of thing, but mostly I come home and crawl under the covers and veg in front of the t.v. because it's cold and I'm tired. I've been having problems sleeping lately, worse than usual. The problem is not the actual sleeping, it's the getting to sleep. I will toss and turn and stare at the ceiling and wonder what the lyrics to "Blind Man in the Bleachers" are for hours. Once I am asleep I have no problem staying that way. In fact it's one of my favorite things to do. But lately I've been getting maybe 5 hours of sleep at night and drinking Diet Pepsi all day at work to stay awake.

Our governer has a plan to add a lot of taxes to weird things. He is going to tax regular soda, but not diet, as kind of an obesity tax. How many fat people drink regular soda? I've always drunk (drank?) diet soda because I liked the taste better, so I have no clue if this will be an effective tax.

I am finally back in my old office at work, and I am quite happy to be there. N, who moved into my previous/temporary office, hates it. Too bad, so sad. I knew I had made a mistake moving up front the very first day I was up there, and was thrilled for an excuse to move back, especially when it made B look bad. :-)

I ventured out today in the ice and snow to go food shopping and to deliver the treats and toys to the animal shelter. As I was driving up the long, long driveway to the shelter, it was covered with ice and snow...this did not bode well. I pulled into the parking lot and opened the door to a sea of solid ice. Apparently they did not sand or anything. I was too afraid of falling, especially since I had several other errands to run (and did not want to do them with a frozen butt), so I got back in the car and left. I will have to make sure I get over there by Wednesday.

I couldn't even shovel the snow. It snowed a ton while I was at work yesterday, then it rained and sleeted throughout the night, so everything re-froze. Then it snowed again this morning. My theory is that it is better to leave the snow as it is so I have something to walk on instead of trying to navigate across sheer ice. I want to move somewhere warm. Like this:

http://www.redfin.com/CA/OAKLAND/9416-WALNUT-St-94603/home/592836

I'm going to work to rest after this weekend!

Oy, what a weekend. I get home from work on Friday totally exhausted and wanting a nap. Instead I took a nice relaxing trip to the Emergency vet. Sarah got out of the bedroom...and Josh got Sarah. I had to literally pick him up by the fur to get him off of her. Lifting a frenzied 95 pound dog wreaked havoc on my already bad neck and shoulders. We put Sarah on the floor and she was walking funny, like her right rear leg wouldn't hold up. So, off to the vet. She doesn't seem to have any broken bones, probably just soft tissue damage. Got 2 shots for pain and inflammation, and came home on antibiotics. Didn't get home until almost 10pm. The only good thing about this is that I could see that Heidi is not going to attack the cats. She did get all excited, but did not try to join in on the action. Saturday I had to take mom to the optometrist and then took her shopping. Went to Walmart, where I always get to haul tons of heavy stuff, 20 pound bags of dog food, 20 pound jugs of cat litter, etc. I bought a bunch of stuff to donate to the pound for the poor furry ones in jail...treats and toys. Took her a few more places, then went food shopping. Finally remembered I was supposed to pick up some candy for the boxes wer are making for the staff at work (candy cane tootsie roll pops...the only thing I could find that would not tempt me!) Got home after dark. Tried to take a nap (is there a theme here???) but Sarah was planted in the middle of my bed and I didn't want to disturb her. Today I had to do the usual laundry and chores, plus start decorating for Christmas. When I pulled out the furniture, I could not believe the amount of dust and dirt. Ended up doing a lot of heavy duty cleaning. Found out half the window lights don't work, so will have to go buy new ones and put them up tomorrow. Sarah is feeling much better today. Jumping off the bed to the floor instead of using the box I put out for her as a step. Didn't even try for a nap today.

Maybe I can take a nap at work.

Will I ever be enough?

When I was a kid, I never felt like I was enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, and definitely not thin enough. My mother had me on diets from the time I was seven. I cheated on diets from the time I was 7. I never felt like I was anyone's favorite. I have never known anyone who preferred my company over everyone else's. I have always felt...inadequate. I could never sustain a relationship with a man because I wondered why he couldn't do better than me. My life now is so small. The bigger I get, the smaller my life gets. I go to work, go home, go sleep, get up, and start the whole thing all over again. I never do anything at night or on the weekends, not even go to the movies. I wonder if anyone would even notice if I ceased to exist, or rather if they would notice anything other than that I wasn't there to do things for them. If I gain enough weight, will I disappear?

How does a blogger get "famous"?

I admit it. I'm addicted to blogs. If they ever find out how much time I spend reading blogs at work, I'll probably get fired. Seriously. I read some well-known blogs, like Pasta Queen, Dooce and Derfwad Manor, and I just wonder how a blogger gets famous. I mean, I know they have to have something to say and a unique way to say it, but what's the difference between those that click and those who just putter along without nearly enough followers. Some bloggers will post only once or twice a week, yet they are the most popular blogs on the internet. Yet some people who are fantastic writers get no attention. (I'm not talking about myself...I haven't found my blog "voice" yet.) I wonder if there's some kind of secret blog manual.

Work's still sucking. My boss couldn't be bothered to talk to the people who have to move around so I can go back to my office, so I was homeless today. I worked in my current office, but everything's packed up and it's really hard to work out of boxes. I did get some work accomplished, but less than I wanted to. (It was easier to read blogs! :-))