Monday, February 23, 2009

Some Whine With My Cheese

I'm tired. I have a sore throat and a cough I cannot get rid of. I went to work today because I was afraid to stay home. I'm afraid if I call in sick they will see that they can do without me and they will "dissolve" my job. It's happening all the time. Today I found out one of the assistant manager's positions was dissolved and she is going back to being a DCC. They say no one is being laid off, but that doesn't mean no one is losing their job. I wouldn't be so scared if I wasn't so fat. If I wasn't so fat I wouldn't have to worry about being rejected for another job just because of my weight/appearance. So, feeling this way, what did I do when I got home?

Binged.

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yet I am frozen, unable to move, unable to change anything about my life. Beyond increasing my water intake, I have not been able to move forward.

We are having a Mardi Gras party at work tomorrow. I have to dig out my Mardi Gras jewelry. I will try to remember the great times I had in New Orleans on several CTLs, and have a happier day.

3 comments:

Jim said...

You can get back on track. Each day is a brand new start. Best wishes.

Ang said...

You HOlD The power of the Fork! You can do this Laura..One forkful, one exercise, one waterbottle at a time. With each time, gains confidence, self esteem, momentum, and self love.

You can do this!!

Laura said...

The problem with eating is that, at least for me, there actually is a pay-off and it's physical. I can feel my mood elavate after I've binged on bread especially.

Try bringing something like apples - a more refined type of carbohydrate - to work and instead of trying to fight the binges, add the fruit instead. It helps me curb the binging behavior before it starts.

And by the way, your value is not tied into your size. I can clearly see how smart and articulate and compassionate you are by your e-mails and your blog. Perhaps you're selling yourself short by your worries?

I'm not saying not to worry. In today's climate, everyone is scared. I'm just suggesting that you are worth more than you're giving yourself credit for.

Love,

Laura